We had a wonderful time today baking cookies with the kids at Kinder Club (that is the activity center I run- for toddlers) The best part was watching the kids wait patiently for their turn to beat the batter, or knead the dough or arrange the individual bits on the baking tray. And with 8 kids in all, the wait must have been very challenging. But wait they did and they even shared- 2 kids holding the spatula together! It was simply amazing.

That brings me to the point I am trying to make with this post- how to teach kids to share. I know there is enough literature on this, but well, it can never really be enough when you are having a hard time teaching your child to share, right? So, I hope this post will make some contribution towards helping kids do just that- share.

I am of the opinion that morals and manners are best learnt through watching and NOT through "being taught". So if you want your child to share, go ahead and expect them to do so. But by no means should it be enforced. Children as young as 16-18 months old understand words like, "wait" and "share". So use them wisely and gently. Here are some things I do to help kids understand and begin to share:

• Keep only one or few of each type of material- this automatically encourages sharing
• When a toy/material is creating a lot of anger and tension, I watch the 2/3 kids who are engaging in the "Mine! No, mine!" battle (with or without the words) with a , "this makes me sad" look. Sometimes that is enough to make them pause for a few seconds (they are still holding on to it, but the tug-of-war has stopped). I immediately get down to their level and say, "this is everybody's toy, and we have to share. So who would like to wait with me first?" If I have a volunteer, great! If not, I make suggestions like, "S, would you like to wait while C finishes playing?" or something to that effect. While waiting we sing a song, "I wait for my turn..." (to any tune you like- I learnt this great trick from a former colleague and good friend).
• If even suggestions don't help or if the kids are too involved in the yanking and grabbing to even notice me, then we call a "time-out" for the toy/material. I gently take the object away while talking to the kids about how the "toy" (I use the actual name of the object, like ball, puzzle etc) likes to be shared. I say something like, "Excuse me! The toy needs a break now. Friends are more important than toys. Its not nice to fight with friends over toys. So let's put this away and find something else that we can do together."
• If a kid finds it very challenging to wait or share, I give him/her a lot more opportunities for sharing and waiting. Sounds harsh? Actually it isn't. The operative word here is "opportunities". So all you have to do is create the environment and more often than not, kids respond positively. For example, if a child has difficulty waiting for a toy/material or a turn, I would make that kid my "helper". So when its time to wash hands, this kid helps me by calling all the others to come to the wash area, while one kid is already washing his hands. This way, the kid has already "waited" for a turn! In a few days, waiting isn't so difficult for the child anymore.
• And lastly, always remember that this is a child, a young soul you are dealing with. You simply cannot expect a 2 year old to mature into a 5 year old in a day. Nurturing and helping them grow and learn is a process that takes TIME. So before anything else, practice patience. After all, the best teachers are the ones who never stop learning!